::Healing::

Dear Loved Ones,

It the last month of the year and it seems like 2010 was such a big number to put on dates as I was writing it throughout the year. Oh how much bigger 2011 will seem! But one big highlight for this year will be going home for Christmas and getting to see my family!

Last year around this time I was in Mexico on our mission’s trip. This year we moved that trip back to January (January 11^th-February 1^st) and we are going to Nicaragua instead.

**This is a bit lengthy but it’s a piece of my heart. Please read when you have the timeJ**

A year ago in Mexico… I do believe I had the most amazing team ever! I loved being with them. I was challenged, pushed out of my comfort zone, but I grew immensely. But one thing I never thought would happen then would for healing to happen in my life. It was, to me, the final step in the heartache that I had hidden for so long. To explain exactly how this happened I will have to take you back a bit in my life.

As many of you know about 7 years ago my brother Mike was killed in a car accident. I very distinctly remember the night I found out about it, I don’t remember every person that came to my house but I do know it was filled with people that loved us. I remember longing for my Dad, Kathy (sister), and Joe (brother) to get to my Mom’s house so we could just be together. When they finally came, it was the best feeling I could ever have had during that time.

After everyone left and it was just my mom and me in her bed she had stopped crying as much as she had been and I said something about missing Mike, crying. From there she just began to cry harder. I decided from that moment on that I would not cry in front of my family, especially my mom, because my pain brought her pain. And her pain was much greater than mine and I would not add to that at all.

I did not know it then but that decision to never cry in front of her turned to I will not cry in front of my family. That became I will not cry and will not be weak. All of that stemmed from not wanting my mom to hurt.

Know that without God I never would have gotten through this. I would be still so hurt, confused, angry, numb, and questioning why this would happen to him. There was such peace that came from knowing that I will see my brother again. I don’t know where I would have ever gotten the hope or joy to continue on.

Fast forward through many years, many tears, much pain, much heartache to a time that I believed that I was healed from it. I get to Cadre Academy, then 24/7+Cadre, 5 years later and I am sitting with a table of girls telling my testimony. I thought that I was healed from this time in my life but as I am telling what went on during that time I am crying so hard I had to stop talking many times to compose myself enough to be understood. I was confused as to why this was so hard for me to talk about.

Throughout the year I became the girl that was easily brought to tears from different situations that happened throughout the year. Not that I was overly emotional, in my opinion at least, but that I showed emotion more than I had.

On missions we are split into 4 different teams. After reaching the border, each team went to a different location to work and do ministry. At the end of the first week we all met back together in Mexico City before we leave again for the next week of ministry. Upon getting to Mexico City I heard that one of our teams had rolled their van. I don’t know why but I took it very hard. My first thought was that if I had been in that van, I don’t know how I would have handled it. I’m pretty sure I would have been so torn up about it. The next thought was that if I had been in that van, how my mom would have handled me being in another country, in an accident. I knew that God had put me in the team that I needed to be in for a purpose and I was very thankful for that.

A few days later my team was walking in the streets of a village inviting people to a service that we were going to be doing that night. During the walk I was challenged to do something I didn’t want to do and for some reason just broke down. It was not a shining moment for me by any means. From that, for the next couple days I was a little down. I kept thinking about the accident and about what would have happened if something serious would have happened to one of the people in there. No one was seriously hurt; there was a girl with a chipped tooth and one who had a small cut on her head.

I was just talking to God about what ifs about that day. When in reality everyone was fine and that team was made stronger from it. We were in the mountains during our second week and it was truly a sight for sore eyes. We were getting in the vans ready to leave for the city and on the speakers of the mountains I heard “I Can Only Imagine” in Spanish playing. That song was played at Mike’s funeral. Along with the sound of the song and the sight of the beautiful mountains I felt God tell me that I am finally healed from that time in my life.

I can honestly say that since that trip, my life has been different. I no longer have to hide my tears and be the strong person. I have so much more freedom to trust in God and to let Him direct my path. It is amazing to me that my complete healing came 5 ½ years after my brother’s death. I am exceedingly thankful for this mission’s trip in my life.

Those are my thoughts on the past month for me. I love having a point of reference to realize how much I have grown and where God has brought me from then.

Thank you for reading my thoughts. Sorry it was so long but I hope you gained a piece of my heart.

Please pray for us as we are preparing for Nicaragua. Pray for health as a lot of us have gotten sick over break. Pray for the hearts of those we will be ministering to and our own.

Pray that I will stay focused and will put God first in my thoughts.

Love you all!

Sarah

I may be sending out another update within the week about Nicaragua!!!

Prison....

This last week I had the opportunity to do prison ministry once again. I knew somewhat what to expect but what I got from it was so much more than I could have even imagined.

It started out with some of the girls being apprehensive and slightly intimidated by the thought of going into a prison. I know that it is crazy to think about going into prison. I knew that they would thrive more than they thought possible.

The first night we went into the prison we got to do a drama performance for about 520 women in an all ladies prison at the Hobby Unit just outside of Waco, Texas. It was a time for mostly the first year students to perform and to share their hearts to the inmates. They were the most fun crowd I have seen to perform for.

The next day the ladies of Cadre and other women counselors from Mike Barber Ministries(pro-claim.tv) were able to go back into the unit and talk to the inmates one-on-one. It is one of my favorite things to do!

I got to talk with a couple ladies that first day. The first lady was Karen. Hmm...she had been through so much in her life. She had been in prison for 17 years I believe. What touched me most about her story was that she had 4 kids-1 girl and 3 boys. Her daughter is living with her mom but the 3 boys she had given up for adoption. What touched me the most about that was the fact that she has no idea where they are.

Aside from talking with the inmates both days I was incredibly blessed by talking to the other counselors that went into the prison with us. One lady I started talking to about Cadre and she asked what I wanted to do after. I told her I wanted to do missions either long term or short term. She began to tell me story after story of her experiences smuggling bibles and tracts into Russia and other countries that she could have been killed for taking them in. Time after time God made a way for the guards, dressed in camo carrying m16s, to not notice and go through her luggage and her sons luggage.

She assured me that God will provide for me and give me miracles to do His work.

That night I talked to another lady, Colleen, who I got to chat with while waiting to get searched to go into the prison. She said there was an inmate she talked to that day that was wailing b/c of the program we did the night before. She said that inmate said she would never be the same.

At that moment I was so very humbled. I looked at the crowd of 600 inmates that were in the gym thinking of how unworthy I am to be able to minister to these women. I could easily have been in their position but God has led me from that path. I was so humbled in knowing that because I was willing, God made me able.

November Leaves are Falling...

Fall is finally upon us in the south! It seems like it has taken forever for it to get here! I am very thankful for the humidity to be long gone! Soon enough the frosty mornings will be here. And I am sure that you are already experiencing it though. Sorry about that...

It seems as though so much has happened in the last month. Well, seeing as I am a second year student I have the amazing blessing of being over two great girls. They are: Ellane from Kansas and Kate from Michigan. I would dare to say that they are both very solid girls who have amazing hearts for Christ. They are teachable and want to soak the most out of this year that they can.

God has been teaching me so much during this year already. Most recently, as in this week in chapel, I was reading in 1 Thessalonians and something I loved was chapter 2 verse 8: We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us. Being a Core, second year, is hard. Loving my first years has not always been easy especially just being a first year and getting all the aspects of it. Then, I came into this year just expecting that they act the way we were towards the end of the year and that was not the case.

We have the amazing blessing of loving these students. The weight of leadership is something that is felt more than I thought it would be. My prayer is that I would love my first years so much that I would be delighted to share the gospel and my life with them. Our team verse John 13:34-35 talks about people knowing that we are Christ’s disciples because of our love for one another. That has been something to strive for as it has challenged me to continue loving them in the midst of mistakes made.

We are getting ready to go to prison! I promise it’s not a bad thing at all. We are teaming with Pro-Claim Ministries (http://pro-claim.tv/) and ministering to inmates in different prisons in Texas. I had the privilege to do it last year and it was one of the highlights of the year for me. There is something different about sharing the gospel with someone who has been caught for breaking the law. The only difference between them and me is that they got caught.

Please pray for boldness in all of us as we are getting ready to speak to the people that much of the world has forgotten about. We need God’s strength in our weakness and to be renewed daily and focus on things that are unseen.

Thank you so much for reading about what God is doing in my life. I pray that you are all being blessed!

Year 2...

The Ladies of Conway :)

Greetings All! Years ago I never would have thought that life would go by so quickly. Now I have experienced how yesterday rapidly becomes years ago. As many of you know last year I made a huge move to Arkansas to begin a leadership academy called 24/7+cadre. I had an amazing first year and God became more real to me in more ways than I could have ever thought possible for me. Because of that, and many other factors of course, I came back for a second year! The name transitioned throughout last year from 24/7 to [Ca]dre Academy. A first year is about you and your relationship with God. A second year becomes about putting everything you learned during a first year and applying it. I have the honor and privilege to get to be over 3 amazing first year girls. They are from Michigan, Kansas, and Arkansas. During the brief first month of the program I have already seen these girls begin to mature into the women of God they are called to be. I have 4 other amazing second year students that I am serving in Conway with. I know that there is no way that I would be able to make it through this year without them. I am excited to see where God brings us on our journey this year as we get to play a dynamic role in the life of these men and women of God. I know that I will be growing so much this year as I learn to become a second year first of all and then becoming a better second year. I am excited to share all the highs and lows of the year with each one of you as I update you on my life in Arkansas. Please pray for me as I seek God more today than I did yesterday. Unity is essential within the second year students as well as in the lives of the first years. Pray God continues to soften the hearts of each one of us who want to grow into the people God has called us to be. Pray for direction for the leadership of the program as they plan for the year and set the standard, become the example for each person in the program. I love you all and would love to hear from you if you would like to share what is going on in your lives! I will be sending out an email every month to update you on my busy life. If you would not like to receive it please let me know. If you know someone that may want to be added let me know as well so I can add them to this.

Thank you all!

Working together during team building exercises

Sarah Smith



Sarah's Contact information:

Facebook: smiths_12@hotmail.com
Twitter: @sarahmarie12


Cadre Academy information:

Facebook: Cadre Academy
Twitter: @cadreacademy
Website: www.iamcadre.com

A Beautiful Sunset...

Today. Wow, so last night I got home late and as I was trying to fall asleep I could not! I haven't had the mind won't stop going syndrome before sleep in years! It was amazing. And as I was laying there I knew that God was speaking to me to find rest in Him. To stop running from having quiet time with Him and simply Be.

That is an amazing thought; Just Be. Just be with God. I am now writing a paper about how receiving the Gifts of the Spirit is not earned, it is given. It is given so you can be with God. He wants you and all of you.

Just imagine that you have worked hard all day. Things may or may not have gone right at all. You may have struggled more than you ever have. You have had your uphill and downhills and the end of the day you are able to coast. Then, you look at the horizon and see the sunset. You didn't have to work for the sunset to happen, it just did.

You do not have to work to earn God's love, He just loves. He loves everyday just as the sun rises and the sunsets without worry. Without need to be noticed. But a sunset is so spectacular that to not recognize it, well that would be a tragedy in it's own. And that sunset, was painted by the best artist. The one who at the end of the day, loves. He wants your heart in return.

Maybe, seeing a sunset will have a new meaning. It will to me.

Freedom

I can't believe how time has gone by. It's crazy to think of where I was a year ago and everything that happened in my life. I am a completely different person and I know that without God I would not be where I am now. My desire is that each and every person can experience God the way that I have been able to. There is such freedom in His presence.

So many times in life, people are so stressed with life, they have so many things to tie them down whether it is time, family, friends, drug, alcohol, a boyfriend/girlfriend, unhealthy relationships. And they think that by doing more of one thing will bring them happiness. It will take away the pain they are feeling. It will not. There is nothing in life that will heal the wounds of life except for God. The One Living God. The God who is able to sympathize with us in every way. He was tempted just as we are tempted daily but looked to God who gave Him strength to get through every situation in life.

Jesus Saves! Just a thought that came right as I was writing this. I love you all!

Summer is gone...

Here I am, sitting in my room for the final Sunday night for some time. I am so excited to be leaving! Life from this point on is not going to be the same and I am ready! Well, I think I am, I AM!!!

My parents threw me a surprise going away party! I love them, and it's been a while since I have been able to say parents, and them doing something together in, well, a long long time! The party being 100% a surprise it was not but it was to some extent. I was very excited to see everyone that came! It was an awesome time to see loved ones that I won't be able to see for a while. And I also got to see some people I have not seen in years! It was good!

I think what I am most excited for is to have my walk with God be so much closer than it has been in the past. God is truly the only One who can help you through any situation. If your walk with Him is on a gravel, crooked path, your life will be unstable. But if you are on a beautifully paved road, there is your life. Amazingly beautiful. You are more available to walk with ease and to talk freely because there are little distractions to take your focus off of your path with Him.

I know that I need to be put in the situation where I absolutely need to be 100% focused on God without other distractions. It's going to be amazing and :) such an amazing experience!